Regret the things you don't do, not the things you do.
When I called my mommy today and heard her voice I could immediately tell that something was wrong. Within a moment I asked her if she was alright and then I heard tears. I heard my mother cry for almost thirty seconds so hard that she couldn't speak, couldn't tell me what was wrong. First I thought she had a fight with my father, but then realized that was silly. Then I thought of all the people we know who were sick - my grandfather, my grandmother, her friend's sister-in-law...
Unfortunately, someone did pass away. It was no one that I'd ever thought it could possibly be. After all, we didn't know he was sick. I didn't really know much about him except the jokes that came up at the dinner table once and awhile.
It was Arthur. My mother's high school love. Her first boyfriend, first everything, and practically her fiance until he went away to college. They promised each other that they would be together again but after several years and meeting my father (and yeah, I'm sure people in between), mommy stopped waiting around for Arthur to walk back into her life. Instead, she did begin dating my father and - obviously - they got married.
My grandmother told my mom a few years after I was born that Arthur had returned to Brooklyn for her after she was already engaged to my dad. Grandma explained the situation and he'd left without seeing her. I guess no one would ever know for sure what would have happened had they crossed paths. All mommy knew was what did happen and, like me, she believed it happened for a reason and her being with my father was what was truly meant to be.
When my parents bicker over things like the remote control or the last layer cookie, we joke how "this wouldn't be a problem if you'd only married Arthur". It's all in good fun and mommy constantly reminds us that she know she made the right choices because of my brother and me. I know that that's 100% honest. The thing we didn't know was that when we cracked the joke last month, he wasn't around anymore.
Arthur died of cancer on this past Thanksgiving.
The reason why I am writing this is because it got me thinking. When I hung up with mommy, I thought of how I would feel if I'd heard the same news. If my first love had died. If anyone I love died. What about someone that you didn't get a chance to discover your feelings for yet? What if they were gone suddenly and you never got to experience something great with them because you were scared? Or nervous? Or afraid to hurt someone else's feelings?
If you have feelings for anyone or some sort of history to clear up with someone, I beg you to do so. When you go to sleep at night, think of the people that you are going to bed angry at or longing for and make a promise to yourself that you will do something about it. Everytime you don't take a chance on something, you jeopardize your happiness. So what if it makes you a little vulnerable? What's a possible moment of embarrassment compared to a possible lifetime of regret?
Unfortunately, someone did pass away. It was no one that I'd ever thought it could possibly be. After all, we didn't know he was sick. I didn't really know much about him except the jokes that came up at the dinner table once and awhile.
It was Arthur. My mother's high school love. Her first boyfriend, first everything, and practically her fiance until he went away to college. They promised each other that they would be together again but after several years and meeting my father (and yeah, I'm sure people in between), mommy stopped waiting around for Arthur to walk back into her life. Instead, she did begin dating my father and - obviously - they got married.
My grandmother told my mom a few years after I was born that Arthur had returned to Brooklyn for her after she was already engaged to my dad. Grandma explained the situation and he'd left without seeing her. I guess no one would ever know for sure what would have happened had they crossed paths. All mommy knew was what did happen and, like me, she believed it happened for a reason and her being with my father was what was truly meant to be.
When my parents bicker over things like the remote control or the last layer cookie, we joke how "this wouldn't be a problem if you'd only married Arthur". It's all in good fun and mommy constantly reminds us that she know she made the right choices because of my brother and me. I know that that's 100% honest. The thing we didn't know was that when we cracked the joke last month, he wasn't around anymore.
Arthur died of cancer on this past Thanksgiving.
The reason why I am writing this is because it got me thinking. When I hung up with mommy, I thought of how I would feel if I'd heard the same news. If my first love had died. If anyone I love died. What about someone that you didn't get a chance to discover your feelings for yet? What if they were gone suddenly and you never got to experience something great with them because you were scared? Or nervous? Or afraid to hurt someone else's feelings?
If you have feelings for anyone or some sort of history to clear up with someone, I beg you to do so. When you go to sleep at night, think of the people that you are going to bed angry at or longing for and make a promise to yourself that you will do something about it. Everytime you don't take a chance on something, you jeopardize your happiness. So what if it makes you a little vulnerable? What's a possible moment of embarrassment compared to a possible lifetime of regret?
posted by Bellezza at 1:10 AM
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