"What is it", continued

I think I've been avoiding writing in here, because I don't have the urge to write about that fabulous summer I've been having. Nancy's wedding was absolutely beautiful and I'm so happy for her, but I haven't talked to her in over a month. Florida was amazing and Vegas was so much fun, but they're over now. And while I loved being away with my boyfriend, New Orleans was so depressing.

I'm upset and I don't know why. I want to say that it's just because he's away, but I can feel that that's not it. I don't write it because I don't want to talk about it, but I can't keep it in. So please, just ignore it...

When I'm here, I miss NYC. When I'm at school, I miss home. I want to hang out with a million people, I want to sit by myself on the couch all day watching Law & Order. Wait, distraction...

Ya know, I actually am not sad because I miss him. Maybe that's actually it - my baby is away for the rest of the summer and I'm getting along just fine. I guess I kind of feel that if I really cared about him as much as I know I do...that I should be crying? But I'm not. When Gabby's boyfriend is unreachable for a few hours, she's having a coronary. Do I not love my boyfriend as much because I don't get all upset that we only talk every few days? No. Maybe I'm just finally in a more stable, mature and healthier relationship. Can I convince myself of that? I must already know it, because of my lack of coronary.

I apologize for the rants like these that are inevitably going to follow this one.